Mistletoe and Misery
by KrissyCaits
Summary: Sharon's Christmas party doesn't exactly turn out the way she expected and she makes a very startling discovery about Brenda Leigh Johnson. [one sided Brenda/Sharon. Established Shandy]
1. I Christmas

**Summary:** Sharon's Christmas party doesn't exactly turn out the way she expected and she makes a very startling discovery about Brenda Leigh Johnson

 **Pairing** : Sharon Raydor / Brenda Leigh Johnson (one sided). Established Shandy.

 **Rating** : K+

 **Timeline:** Set in the current Major Crimes universe timeline

 **Note:** This is the second in our "Double Ups" series, stories created by throwing two random prompts together.

* * *

 **Prompt I:** **Christmas**

The Major Crimes Christmas party was always the kind of occasion that made people smile. Food, the cheesiest Christmas songs, ugly Christmas sweaters and fruit punch were things that were guaranteed to bring a smile to the faces of those who spent their days surrounded by death and destruction. This year Amy and Buzz had gone all out decorating the Murder Room and Sharon didn't think she'd ever seen that much glitter or tinsel in one place before. But the space felt warm and cosy and Sharon loved every second of Christmas. She cherished this time of year and always tried to make it as special as possible for those she cared about.

Hollywood Division was on call during the holiday weekend, meaning Major Crimes had the weekend off. An uninterrupted Christmas was a luxury and although it came at the cost of having to work over New Years, it added to the already elated mood at the party. Sharon watched with a smile as Provenza poured some more punch for himself before offering Andy another bottle of water. An oversized Santa hat balanced lopsided on the older man's head and he had finished the look off with the most hideous Christmas tie Sharon had ever seen. It was so ugly she couldn't help but stare at it whenever her eyes fell on Provenza.

An hour into the party and with Rusty now in charge of the music selection and playing Wham's "Last Christmas" for the third time, Sharon detected a significant shift in mood. People were laughing and talking and the fact that only yesterday they had wrapped up a gruesome double murder seemed to have been temporarily forgotten. She hadn't been sure at first if adding an alcoholic punch instead of a fruit based one was a good idea but the longer she looked at the relaxed features on the faces of her friends, she appreciated the addition just a little more.

Sharon reached into the pocket of her blazer to find her phone so she could take some pictures but found it wasn't there. After a moment of panic she remembered leaving it on her desk earlier that day and after leaving her drink in the care of Amy, she walked across the Murder Room and into her office. The phone lay on top a small stash of files and Sharon grabbed it off the desk before turning around. The figure standing in the doorway startled her.

"Hey," Brenda smiled.

Sharon blinked. She still had not gotten used to Brenda being back in Los Angeles even if it had been four months. To occasionally see the former Chief appear in the Murder Room, courtesy of the job at the DA's office she had returned to after her stint in Washington, still felt odd. The first couple of times it had felt like some kind of twisted time warp and, after meeting Brenda for coffee one afternoon, Sharon had learnt the feeling was mutual. It seemed coming back and finding her footing in Los Angeles after Washington was harder than Brenda had anticipated. In her mind Los Angeles and the people she knew hadn't changed but in reality she found hardly anything was still the same.

"Sneakin' out?" Brenda teased.

"Looking for my phone," Sharon smiled and held up the iPhone. The screen briefly lit up showing a selfie of her and Rusty. She walked back to the door and Brenda went to step aside so Sharon could file past her. Their gazes locked. "I didn't think you'd be coming today."

"Are you kiddin' me? Fritzy has been tellin' me about your parties for years. I wouldn't miss it for the world!" Brenda exclaimed. She smiled, her hand briefly touching Sharon's forearm. "Thank you for invitin' me."

"Oh come on, like I was going to ignore the fact Chief Johnson is back in town," Sharon grinned. She and Brenda had tentatively picked up where their friendship had left off years earlier since their first coffee date after Brenda's return. They were by no means best friends but they had found common ground and it seemed that being away from LA and closing the book on Stroh, as best as she could anyway, had done Brenda some good. Sharon had barely recognised her when she first walked into the Murder Room four months ago. She seemed like a new woman.

"Are you all set for Christmas?" Sharon wanted to know. Green eyes briefly found brown. "Is your Father coming over from Atlanta?"

Brenda shook her head. "He is going to New York to visit my brother." She looked over her shoulder to see Fritz standing next to Mike and Julio. "It's just Fritzy and I this year." She then looked back at Sharon. "What about you?"

"We're having Christmas with Andy's daughter this year," Sharon answered. "I think Andy said she's cooking." She smiled a little. "I hope she didn't inherit his cooking skills."

"Hey Rusty, did you do that thing I told you to do?" Julio yelled across the Murder Room and several sets of eyes darted in their direction.

Rusty, having just put on another Christmas song, spun around and even from where she stood Sharon could see the mischievous glint in his eyes. He nodded. "Yes," he answered and he pointed in Sharon's direction, or at least in the direction of her office. "I hung it right…" His mouth fell open when he realised what had happened. "…There."

Feeling some dread, Sharon raised her eyes up to the doorframe of her office and saw the little green twigs tied together with bright red ribbon hanging over her head. Her eyes then snapped back to Rusty who had now covered his mouth with his hand and was trying not to laugh. She could hear a low key whistle but couldn't identify the culprit.

Brenda studied the twig too. "What's that?"

"I believe that's mistletoe," Sharon said through gritted teeth.

Brenda's brown eyes fixed on Sharon's face. "Oh."

"I'm going to kill that boy," Sharon sighed. She glanced back up at the mistletoe. How had she not seen it when she walked into her office?!

"Come on, Sharon," Andy said as he walked over. "Now is your chance to kiss and make-up for all those differences of opinion you and the Chief have had for years."

Sharon stared at him, aghast. "What? Are you serious?!"

"You're friends now. What's a kiss amongst friends?" Fritz nudged Andy with his elbow and Sharon for a moment wondered if the men had some kind of twisted fantasy in their heads. If they did, she didn't want to know about it.

"Oh my God," Rusty giggled from his spot by the radio. "I _cannot_ believe this is happening!"

"Neither can your mother," Amy grinned.

Sharon looked at Brenda. The blonde former Chief looked about as helpless as Sharon did and was staring at the floor, her fingers fumbling with a button on her jacket. Through her eyelashes she eventually peered up at Sharon and smiled almost shyly before tucking a curl behind her ear. Her cheeks had flushed a light shade of scarlet and she shrugged.

"How bad can it be, right?" she asked. She took a little step closer to Sharon, entering her personal space. "They're not going to let this go, Sharon. It is like the ultimate party trick. Might as well get it over with. A kiss on the cheek is fine."

Sharon hesitated. She was going to have words with Rusty later. What was he thinking, leaving mistletoe all over the place? What if it had been Taylor standing under here with her? Would they have encouraged her to kiss him too? As much as she loved her son, she didn't always appreciate his jokes and this was one of those occasions. What she found even more shocking was that Fritz and Andy didn't seem to care. Was this really just some big joke to everyone?

"Gees, Sharon, if you can't make your mind up…" Brenda looked a little crestfallen as she stepped back but looked up in surprise when she felt Sharon's fingers close around her wrist and the brunette pulled her closer.

Their lips came together in an unexpected kiss and for a second, neither of them fully realised what was happening. But then Sharon tasted the faint hint of chocolate and the sweetness of Brenda's lipstick, felt how soft and warm her lips really were.

Brenda's eyes closed when Sharon didn't pull away immediately. She leaned in a little deeper into the kiss, softly capturing Sharon's lower lip between her own, feeling the way the older woman slightly shivered when she did.

One….two…..She had to move back…. Three…. It would have to be over soon…. Four…. Brenda knew she had to pull away…. Five….

Brenda pulled away and slowly opened her eyes. Across from her, Sharon's eyes opened too and emerald green met chocolate brown. Neither spoke; they just stared at each other. It was Sharon who recovered first and she smoothed over her dress, accepted the cup filled with punch Andy offered her and took a large gulp before seeking out the comfort of his embrace. He kissed the top of her head and Brenda turned away.

Her lips still tingled and she resisted touching them. Of all the things she had ever imagined, kissing Sharon Raydor under the mistletoe during a Christmas party with the whole Division watching was not how she had imagined things to go. A quiet, hesitant kiss in an abandoned corridor or a rough, fast one against the wall of an office were the thoughts that replayed themselves in her head over and over in recent months but never had she imagined it to be like this. And she had never wanted it to be like this either.

She walked over to the table with the punch, poured herself a cup and downed it in one go. She then poured another but drank it more slowly this time. She didn't actually like it but it gave her something to do and with her hands and mind somewhat occupied, Brenda didn't have to think about what had just happened. The fact she had kissed Sharon, something she had wanted to do for a long time. She had kissed Sharon and all she wanted now was to forget it.

The party carried on and outside darkness fell, highlighting the thousands of lights across the city. Having stood by the window for a little while, Brenda pushed herself away from the wall and crossed the room towards the ladies room. Just before entering, she became aware of someone following her and she turned around to find Sharon closely behind her. The brunette seemed a little startled that Brenda had noticed her but then she came closer.

"Hey," she said softly.

Brenda couldn't help it. Her eyes darted down to Sharon's lips. "Hi."

"Is everything alright?" Sharon inquired. "You seem very quiet."

Brenda nodded. "I'm fine. I didn't eat much before coming here and I think the punch is going to my head. Wouldn't be surprised if Provenza spiked it."

Sharon looked at Brenda. She was not used to seeing her in jeans. She wore a black cardigan over a simple light pink shirt. It was a big step up from the hideous floral skirts. But something else had changed too, something other than Brenda's choice in clothing. It wasn't just the way she carried herself… it was something else but Sharon couldn't identify what it was.

"The punch is alcoholic, Brenda. But that's not why I came to find you. I was wondering… Can we talk?" she asked. "About what happened earlier?"

A sense of dread settled in Brenda's chest and she bit her lip. "Sure."

"I'm sorry if I surprised you," Sharon said apologetically. "I know you said to kiss you on the cheek and I don't know what came over me to ignore that but…. I had a feeling the guys weren't going to let it go." Green eyes searched Brenda's face. "I guess what I'm saying is, I hope you're alright and I didn't offend you."

"You didn't," Brenda replied softly and averted her eyes. She wished she didn't ache inside the way she did when Sharon spoke those words. She twisted the wedding band around her finger. "You really didn't."

Sharon's eyes narrowed a little as she sensed the change in Brenda's demeanour and she hesitantly took another step closer before reaching out and putting a hand on Brenda's arm. The blonde's head snapped up and she stepped backwards as if burnt, pulling her arm towards her chest. She realised too late that by doing so she had given herself away and she watched with fear as some of the pieces began to fall into place inside Sharon's mind and Brenda saw the recognition dawn in those beautiful eyes.

"Oh Brenda..," Sharon whispered. She felt mortified and suddenly wished she had never followed the blonde down the corridor in the first place. This wasn't happening. This couldn't be real…

"I… I didn't' know…"

"You weren't supposed to," Brenda muttered, her voice unsteady. "You were never supposed to know."

"I…. I don't know what to say…"

Sharon felt terrible. She felt guilty. Had she known the way Brenda really felt, she would never have kissed her under the mistletoe like that. She would have chosen to kiss her on the cheek, or not at all. She wanted to undo it, all of it, take it back somehow. But she couldn't. It was out there now and Brenda looked devastated. Sharon hurt inside just at the thought of what she had done.

"Then please don't try," Brenda whispered and she went to turn around so Sharon could no longer see her face. The humiliation and the pain wasn't something she wanted anyone to see. Her shoulders had dropped and she suddenly looked so small to Sharon.

"Believe me, I don't think I want to hear it anyway." Brenda's voice was soft, it sounded almost broken.

Sharon moved closer despite Brenda turning away and touched her shoulder. Brenda didn't turn around but Sharon did not give up. She circled around Brenda so that she stood in front of her again and slowly Brenda lifted up her head and their eyes connected. For the longest of moments they looked at each other and then Brenda leaned in. Closing the distanced between her and Sharon seemed to take ages but then their lips met and Brenda softly gasped.

Sharon froze and the duration of a heartbeat she didn't know what to do or how to react but then she relaxed a little into Brenda and parted her lips when she felt Brenda's tongue trying to seek entrance. Her hands slowly found their way up to Brenda's shoulders and she held on to her, feeling Brenda's arms close around her back, gently pulling her closer.

Time didn't seem to matter anymore. Everything around them had come to a complete stop.

But then Sharon suddenly broke free and took two steps back. She looked at Brenda, bewildered, and covered her mouth in shock. She shook her head and her green eyes widened. Panic engulfed her and the urge to turn around and run was overwhelming. But she couldn't. She had to say…. something.

"I'm sorry… I shouldn't have…."

"Sharon…," Brenda tried but the brunette shook her head.

"I'm so sorry. Brenda. I should have respected your feelings and I didn't. I…. I can't do this." Green eyes shimmered with tears as she looked at Brenda. She looked desperately lost and sad and the look she saw reflected in Brenda's eyes was one of pure hurt. Sharon had never seen her look more broken and she hated herself for it. She averted her eyes, couldn't bring herself to see even more hurt in Brenda's face when she uttered the words, "I don't feel the way you do."

"Sharon…. Sharon, wait!" Brenda pleaded when Sharon turned around and quickly walked down the corridor, her hand wiping at her eyes to hide the onslaught of tears. Brenda didn't try to follow her and found herself instead standing in an abandoned corridor, the one secret she had wanted to keep for all her life having disappeared around the corner.

Sharon rounded the corner and reached the elevators. Safe in the knowledge Brenda was not following her, she leaned against the wall and let out a sob followed by a ragged breath. Her mind was spinning. The guilt was overwhelming. What had she done? Not only had she kissed Brenda, fuelling the other woman's feelings, but she had actually kissed someone other than Andy…. The combination of those two things was already suffocating her.

"Mom?"

Sharon jumped when she heard Rusty behind her and she spun around, startled. He looked at her with big wide eyes, clearly having seen her attempt to hide her tears, and took a step towards her.

"What happened?" he wanted to know.

"Nothing," Sharon lied. She ran her fingers through her hair to try and appear casual. "I just…. I needed a moment. You know how I get during Christmas…"

Rusty's eyes narrowed a little. "I saw you kiss Brenda."

"We really need to talk about you hanging up mistletoe in my office…."

"I don't mean in your office. I mean just now, in the hallway."

Sharon felt the blood drain from her face as she stared at her son in horror. "Rusty…"

"You kissed her," Rusty said in an almost accusing tone. "Jesus, Mom. What were you thinking?" He looked at her as if he was seeing her for the first time. She caught a glimpse of the boy he had once been; the angry, judgmental and frightened little kid. Things had changed but when scared or confused, that side of Rusty always re-emerged.

"Are you gay?" Rusty deadpanned, his eyes piercing into Sharon's. "Is that why this whole thing with Andy is like slower than watching paint dry?"

"Rusty, no! I'm not gay. I don't even know why you'd think that!" Sharon exclaimed and Rusty arched an eyebrow. "I am not gay. And I don't want you…"

"So being gay is such a horrible thing now?" Rusty cut her off. He looked almost devastated and the pain that flashed through his eyes was more than what Sharon could take in this moment.

"Rusty, look around the Murder Room. Look at the people we work with every day and then think about what you've just said," Sharon sighed. She didn't want him thinking for one second that his sexuality or the sexuality of any of their friends mattered to her. It didn't. It never had. . "Look at you…. Look at the way I love you. All of you." She held his gaze and watched the guilt spread across his face when he realised what he had said.

Rusty slowly nodded. "I know. And I'm sorry." He looked down at his feet. "But why did you kiss her?"

"Brenda kissed me, Rusty," Sharon answered and shook her head. "And that is all I'm going to say. Brenda deserves her privacy and I am not about to betray her trust." She swallowed hard against the lump in her throat and straightened her spine. She had to get things back to normal somehow, even if she wasn't sure how. "Now, Fritz and Brenda will be coming over for dinner on Christmas Eve, remember? I do not want you mentioning this to anyone, under any circumstance, do you understand? I know I am asking a lot of you and it is probably not fair. But this is not just about me. This is about Brenda too."

Rusty looked at his mother and seemed to consider her words carefully before nodding. "Okay. I understand."

Sharon sighed in relief. "Good. Let's go back to the party."

Rusty's hand was on the small of Sharon's back as they made their way back to the Murder Room. He could feel the tension in her spine. The sound of laughter and voices greeted them halfway down the hall and Rusty shot his mother a sideways glance just before entering. She looked tense and a little unsure but when she felt Rusty's eyes on her, she effortlessly slipped her Captain Raydor mask back in place and whilst smiling, entered the Murder Room.

Sharon needed less than five seconds to realise Brenda was gone.

Fritz spotted Sharon when she came in and waved her over. "Brenda wanted me to tell you she went home. Headache, apparently. Must be the punch. She said to tell you she'll see you Christmas Eve."

Sharon nodded and absentmindedly glanced in the direction of her office. The mistletoe had been removed from the doorway and a heavy feeling settled in her chest.

Christmas had just become a whole lot more complicated.


	2. II We Don't Talk Anymore

**Summary:** Sharon's Christmas party doesn't exactly turn out the way she expected and she makes a very startling discovery about Brenda Leigh Johnson

 **Pairing** : Sharon Raydor / Brenda Leigh Johnson (one sided). Established Shandy.

 **Rating** : K+

 **Timeline:** Set in the current Major Crimes universe timeline

 **Note:** This is the second in our "Double Ups" series, stories created by throwing two random prompts together.

* * *

 **Prompt II: We Don't Talk Anymore  
** _(lyrics taken from the Cliff Richard song)_

Sharon had spent the better part of Christmas Eve in the kitchen cooking dinner. She took dinner parties like the one she was throwing tonight very seriously and the fact that her guests were Fritz and Brenda only added to her need for things to be perfect. She hadn't seen or spoken to Brenda since the office party and Sharon had begun to doubt whether dinner was still on but then Brenda had texted her out of the blue that morning confirming she and Fritz were still coming and that she was bringing wine.

Sharon looked at her reflection. She'd showered half an hour ago, rinsing off any remnants left from cooking a three course meal, and after having dried her hair, she had put it up and secured it with a large silver hair clip. A few playful strands fell down the sides of her face and now that her auburn hair was pulled back, the delicate silver earrings she wore were on display. She had chosen a dress she'd bought months ago but hadn't worn yet, with straps that covered her shoulders but left her arms bare. It was a deep, dark shade of green that complimented her eyes. She slipped her feet into a pair of heels and left her bedroom, closing the door behind her.

She ran into Rusty in the hallway. He was still buttoning up his shirt and she smiled when she saw he had attempted to style his hair. "You look great," she complimented him.

"You look great too," Rusty smiled and then diverted his course to answer the door when he heard the knock.

Outside stood Andy and he stepped into the condo, patting Rusty on the shoulder as he walked past him. He hung up his coat and made his way into the kitchen where he found Sharon rearranging the wine glasses on the dining table. He watched her from where he stood.

"This place looks amazing, Sharon," he said and she looked up.

"Thank you."

She glanced at the Christmas tree in the corner of the living room. The hundreds of tiny white twinkling lights cast a warm glow around the room and each carefully placed decoration complimented the next. The angels scattered around the condo – there could never be too many of them- added to the Christmas atmosphere. Tonight Rusty wasn't in charge of the music and a CD playing classical Christmas carols was on loop in the player.

Sharon lit the candles on the table and the oven pinged at that exact moment. Without her needing to say anything, Andy crossed the kitchen, picked up the oven gloves and took out the large stone dish. The delicious smell only grew stronger and Sharon joined him to inspect the meat. Satisfied that it looked good she heaved a sigh.

"Are you nervous?" Andy questioned as he let his hand wander down Sharon's back. He pulled her closer and kissed the side of her neck. "It's Fritz and Brenda. You could have ordered take-out and they'd have been happy."

"I know," Sharon said softly. A shiver crept down her spine. She couldn't tell him the real reason why she was so nervous and tense. So instead she picked up the carving knife and began slicing the meat. She had only cut a couple of slices when there was a knock on the door and Rusty yelled from the living room that he would get it. Sharon's grip on the knife tightened as she listened to Rusty walking across the condo. The front door opened and the sound of voices spilled into the house. She recognised Fritz's voice first but it was closely followed by Brenda's unmistakeable Southern twang.

Moments later Rusty led the visitors into the kitchen and Sharon waited as long as what could be considered socially acceptable before turning around. Andy was shaking hands with Fritz and Sharon's eyes immediately drifted to Brenda. She stood next to her husband, arms deftly by her side, and she tried to smile but it never quite reached her eyes.

"Brenda," Sharon smiled after allowing herself a moment to gather her momentum. She then walked over to her and after giving Brenda a couple of seconds to back out, she leaned in and briefly hugged her. She felt Brenda tense up against her and Sharon felt terrible for coming this close but she knew Andy and Fritz would only question them if she didn't. When she stepped back, Sharon noticed Brenda couldn't look her in the eye anymore.

"We brought wine," Fritz declared as he took the bottle Brenda had been clutching in her hand and showed it to Sharon. "But obviously you and Brenda will have to drink it."

Sharon nodded. "Of course." She swallowed, suddenly uncomfortable at the thought of her and Brenda drinking alcohol. It hadn't done them any favours the last time. "Dinner will only be another ten minutes or so."

Andy and Fritz disappeared into the living room and Rusty followed them. Sharon went to turn back around to continue cutting the meat when she realised Brenda hadn't left the kitchen. She couldn't bring herself to look at the younger woman and held her breath when she felt rather than heard Brenda approach. When the blonde reached the counter, her hand only a couple of inches away from Sharon's, Sharon clenched her fists.

"This was a bad idea," Brenda said before Sharon even had chance. "I kept tryin' to tell Fritzi that we should cancel but he kept askin' why." She stared at the meat Sharon was cutting up. "We won't stay long, I promise. I…. I know this isn't somethin' you asked for."

"Neither did you," Sharon interjected and looked at Brenda from the corner of her eye. She turned slightly so that she was leaning with her back against the counter. Brenda stood closely to her but with just enough distance for things not to look strange if someone came in. She could smell the floral perfume Brenda wore and she sure looked beautiful in the dark blue dress she wore.

"I've been wanting to call you…." Sharon continued.

"I'm glad you didn't," Brenda confessed, causing Sharon to raise an eyebrow. She looked down at her hands, at the gold wedding band around her finger. "I wouldn't have known what to say."

Sharon sighed. "I wanted to talk to you…"

"And say what?" Brenda hissed. Suddenly she sounded angry. "That you're sorry for what happened in the corridor? That you're sorry you don't feel the same way I do? That you're sorry for confusin' me?" Brown eyes snapped up and met green and Sharon was startled by the fire in those dark eyes. "Believe me, Sharon, all those things have crossed my mind more than once." Brenda took a step back. "I don't want to talk about it. Not ever." She paused, the silence emphasising the despair in her words. "Understood?"

Sharon didn't answer and Brenda pushed herself away from the counter and walked out of the kitchen. Heaving a sigh, Sharon finished slicing the meat and carried the tray to the table. She then found the corkscrew and opened the bottle Brenda had brought, pouring each of them half a glass and taking the jug of water she kept in the fridge out for Rusty, Fritz and Andy. She looked at the table arrangements then and realised that she had put herself across from Brenda.

"Is dinner ready?"

Rusty almost made her jump and Sharon turned around. She hadn't heard him come up behind her and she silently resented him for coming over. It meant she couldn't change the table arrangements anymore and Rusty would have to sit at the head with Sharon to his left and Brenda to his right. Without speaking, Sharon nodded and Rusty looked back over his shoulder.

"Mom says it's ready," he announced and the three people in the living room stood up.

When she approached the table and observed the layout, Brenda's heart sank. She had hoped not to have to sit across from Sharon but the two wine glasses left no mistake as to where her place at the table was. How could Sharon have been so careless? Had she really not thought any of this through? Or maybe Brenda had just underestimated Sharon's understanding of the whole situation. Having dinner with Sharon on Christmas Eve with their respective partners at their side wasn't exactly something Brenda had been looking forward to.

She watched in a mixture of resentment and jealousy as Andy pulled Sharon's chair out for her and then pushed it back in once she'd sat down. Next to her, Fritz was already in his seat and paid little attention to Brenda sitting down. Brenda took the large napkin and unfolded it across her lap and reached for her wineglass. The slight bitter burn of the alcohol down her throat relaxed her a little.

Rusty looked from Sharon to Brenda and back. The tension at the table was unmistakeable and he wondered if Andy and Fritz could feel it too. The two men seemed happy and relaxed whereas Brenda's face was like thunder and Sharon was too focused on cutting up her vegetables. Neither of the women spoke to each other or anyone else at the table and with every passing minute, the atmosphere became cooler.

After the main course was finished, and Andy and Fritz had spent the last fifteen minutes talking about football, Brenda excused herself to go to the bathroom. She dropped her napkin on her plate and left the table. Sharon, confronted by the absence of the other woman and the fact Brenda had ignored her for the entire evening, stood and began gathering the dirty dishes. Andy stood up too and began helping her. When he walked into the kitchen and was about to put the dishes in the sink, he bumped into Sharon as she was putting the cutlery into the dishwasher. Some of the left overs spilled over the edge of the plate onto Sharon's dress and she let out a soft squeal before jumping back.

"Shoot!" Sharon muttered and grabbed a tea towel to try and battle the grease stain.

"Oh Sharon honey, I'm so sorry," Andy quickly apologised and put the dishes down. "Do you need me to get something to clean it with?"

Sharon shook her head. "It's fine. I'll just get changed."

She left the kitchen and padded down the corridor to her bedroom. She closed the door behind her and unzipped her dress before stepping out of it and leaving it on the floor. She'd take it to the dry cleaners after the holidays. From her wardrobe she chose some black slacks and a red top, put both items on and shot a quick glance in the mirror before leaving the room. Just as she walked past the bathroom, the door opened and Brenda stepped out. They almost bumped into each other and Sharon took a step back, almost pressing herself against the wall.

Without realising it, her hand shot out to Brenda's and took the blonde's wrist when she wanted to walk away. Brenda spun around, eyes blazing, and she reminded Sharon of the Brenda Leigh Johnson she had first met in that hospital corridor all those years ago. That same defiance and hostility was visible on her face. The vulnerability Sharon had seen the previous week was nowhere to be found.

"We need to talk," Sharon said softly. "You haven't said a word to me all evening."

"What did you want me to say?" Brenda snapped. "I'm sorry for kissing you?"

"Brenda…"

"Look, this wasn't my idea, alright? I'm sorry if somehow this makes you uncomfortable but have you thought about how I feel?" Brenda reminded her. "Because I'm not feeling my best, Sharon. And I have no idea how to handle this." Something in her eyes changed the longer she looked at Sharon. The brunette saw the anger slowly fade and be replaced by something… softer. It seemed Brenda couldn't stay mad for long and suddenly Sharon hurt inside because of how Brenda felt.

They had just started to figure out being friends. Neither of them was very good at it. Brenda because her social skills lacked in certain areas and Sharon because she had spent such a large part of her life focused on work, she'd forgotten what it was like to make friends. She and Brenda were so different in so many ways but they had clicked too and she had been relieved to find they'd left the problems from the past behind. She had considered Brenda a friend and the thought of losing that unsettled her.

"I never thought this was easy," Sharon said quietly. "I… I wish I knew what to say or do but… I don't." She looked past Brenda down the corridor. Andy and Fritz were still watching TV. It sounded like they had found some sports highlights. She then looked at Brenda. "I don't feel the way you do but maybe somehow we can..."

"Still be friends?" Brenda finished the sentence for her and shook her head. "Don't, Sharon. I don't need your pity."

Brenda turned around and started back towards the living room, Sharon stopped her just before she could turn the corner and her fingers closed around Brenda's wrist the same way they had done when she had kissed her under the mistletoe. Brenda spun around as if stung by a bee and with two quick steps she closed the distance between them, trapping Sharon between her body and the wall.

"Don't do this," she pleaded. "Please."

"Brenda…" Sharon's thumb traced the inside of Brenda's wrist before she pulled back. "We need to talk about this."

"No, we don't," Brenda dismissed her. She stepped back and instead of heading towards the living room she started for the door instead. She opened it and stepped outside without even waiting for Fritz.

Before Sharon could call out to ask her to stay, Brenda had slammed the door behind her and the hollow bang as it fell into its lock resounded through the condo. Moments later, Andy appeared in the hallway and found Sharon standing by the door, alone. He frowned.

"Where's Brenda?"

"Not feeling well," Sharon muttered and avoided looking at him. "Can you tell Fritz she' waiting for him in the car?"

Andy's eyes narrowed. "What's going on, Sharon?"

"Just do as I asked!" Sharon snapped at him. "Please."

Andy walked back unto the living room and Sharon let out a desperate sigh as she leaned with her back against the door. Tears stung behind her eyes. This was officially the worst Christmas Eve ever.

~()~

It had been a week since Brenda slammed the door behind her and stormed out of the condo. New Year's Eve had rolled around and Sharon was watching the last few minutes of the year tick by on the clock in the living room. Rusty, Andy, Emily and Ricky were all sitting around the table playing games, laughing and talking. Left over pizza and chicken wings stood in the kitchen and the bottle of wine Sharon and Emily had opened was half empty. There were only five more minutes of the year left and Sharon quietly sighed.

She hadn't heard from Brenda. A couple of times she had considered picking up the phone and calling her but she decided against it every time. She didn't know what to say and she couldn't leave a message either, in case Fritz would hear it. She had seen him at work a couple of times but didn't ask after Brenda. Fritz didn't mention her either.

"Oh come on, it's time!" Emily excitedly said and everyone stood up and joined Sharon in the living room.

They counted down the remaining minutes and seconds and when the clock struck midnight, they embraced and kissed each other as behind them the fireworks lit up the Los Angeles night sky. Rusty suggested going out onto the balcony for a better view and the cool evening air made Sharon shiver when the balcony door opened and everyone filed out into the fresh air. She was about to join them when unexpectedly the landline rang.

Sharon didn't go to answer it. It was probably her crazy Aunt Sybil wanting to wish her a Happy New Year and she wouldn't be able to get off the phone for the next two hours. The answering machine would pick up the message. After the fourth ring, the familiar beep announced the machine kicking in.

 _"Hey, you have reached Sharon and Rusty. Neither of us is here right now so leave a message and we'll call you back."_

"Sharon…"

Sharon froze. Brenda's voice was unmistakeable. So was the lilt of alcohol in her voice. Brenda was drunk.

"I guess I'm just callin' to say Happy New Year…."

There was another silence and behind her on the TV, the countdown clock had been replaced by a music programme playing old classics. The opening tune sounded all too familiar and then the words kicked in and the irony struck Sharon.

 _"...It's so funny how we don't talk anymore.  
It's so funny why we don't talk anymore.  
But I ain't losing sleep and I ain't counting sheep.  
It's so funny how we don't talk anymore..."_

She turned and walked over to the answering machine. The light was still blinking and Brenda spoke again. Sharon froze. Brenda sounded so clear, almost as if she were standing right next to her. She closed her eyes and could almost imagine Brenda in the room with her. The last time she'd seen her was the time she had stormed out. It was also the last time she'd heard Brenda's voice.

Until now.

"I just… I was wondering if…. Oh what am I even doin'? I don't know why I'm callin' you. It's pretty damn cold here in DC and there are fireworks in the sky and people are laughin' outside…" A pause. "Did you know I went back to DC? For work mainly. I don't know if I'll come back this time. Los Angeles just doesn't seem to feel like home anymore. But the fireworks…"

There was a pause and Sharon could hear the fireworks in the background. She wondered if Brenda was outside somewhere.

"The fireworks remind me of you… They're beautiful but if you come too close, they hurt like hell."

Sharon heaved a sigh. She'd heard Brenda had returned to Washington after Christmas. Fritz never said if it had been planned or if Brenda had simply ran away. She had noticed the absence of his wedding ring and Sharon assumed that at least some part of her secret had caught up with Brenda. She'd considered calling her a couple of times but every time she picked up the phone she changed her mind. She didn't know what to say. What words could possibly fix the way they had drifted apart?

"Happy New Year, Sharon."

Sharon's head whipped around when she heard someone call her name and Andy poked his head around the door. He looked bright and happy and a cool gust of air found its way into the condo and made the hairs on the back of Sharon's neck stand up.

"Come on, Sharon! You're missing the show!"

"I'll be right there," Sharon flashed a smile and turned back to the answering machine when Andy disappeared. It had stopped blinking. Brenda had stopped talking. Sharon heaved a sigh and resisted playing the message again. Some things were just better left in the past. Her index finger hovered over the button in the middle and as she closed her eyes, she pressed it.

 _"Message deleted."_


End file.
